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TEEN CONSTANTLY BREAKS CURFEW
(email Conversation)

PARENT: My daughter is given a specific curfew time, but she comes in whenever it suits her. How can I punish her?

SANDY: I’m not into punishment as it comes from a place of getting even rather than teaching. I would set a rule: In by (eleven) sharp; if you are going to be late, call by (10:30). An (11:15) I’m going to be late call is unacceptable. “ Should your teen choose to come in thirty minutes after the curfew time, double the time and take it off of the time that the teen goes out the next night (not to coming in time, but the going out time!) It is easier to curtail the teen who is going out to meet friends than to set another rule to be broken. A third infraction warrants being grounded the next night with no phone calls coming in or out. A teenager who has more power than the parents is a teenager headed for trouble; whatever it takes, take the power in your home.

(A strategy that works when a young person refuses to listen to a parent is to say, “You are at choice right now. Either (stop and talk to me) or we will meet at eight o’clock tonight and talk about this. If the child refuses to mind, let him or her go without comment. At eight o’clock, go get him/her, go to the dining room (boring) and sit for at least 20 minutes. The child will not want to ever meet you at eight o’clock again.)