TEMPER TANTRUMS

Anger that is not diffused builds up until it blows up --like a volcano. I use the reference of a pressure cooker in my talk; some people are afraid to use a pressure cooker because it will violently put your dinner on the ceiling if you build up too much pressure.

People need to learn to “download” their anger, or diffuse it. Otherwise, each person is a victim to everything that happens around them. If you are on overload, anger wise, the smallest thing can cause you to blow.

The best way to diffuse anger is to RUN! It is far more constructive to get a wound up child to run down the street and back than to give that child a time out in a chair. Running is the best way to diffuse anger. The trick is to get the child to run before he or she explodes.

Children who asked to stuff anger by controlling adults need a safe place to download that anger. Teaching your child to run off excess feeling of anger will be one of the most valuable tools you give your child(ren).

Behavior that is rewarded continues, behavior that is not rewarded stops. If a child falls on the ground in a fit of temper say, “It is ok to feel angry. When you want to calm down and talk to me, come and find me.”  The parent simply walks across the room (not down the hall as that smacks of rejection and abandonment). When the child comes over, throw him/herself down again, say exactly the same thing you said the first time without any sarcasm or anger. The child will stop using anger as a way to dis-empower you because it does not work.

See “anger”  for more information.

Copyright (C) Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel, 2000