SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED
WITH PARENTS
PARENT: I’ve gotten into the habit of letting my five year
old sleep with me at night. It was comforting to do so when I got a
divorce. Now it is bothering my sleep. What do I do?
SANDY: I do not think it is good for you or for the child to
be sleeping together. A foot in your eye at two am definitely disrupts
your deep sleep pattern. Sometimes, it helps to get the child a comfort
toy (teddy bear) with which to sleep. Then you need to set boundaries and
enforce them, “I need to sleep without children. You need to say in your
own bed tonight. Mr. Bear wants you to sleep with him tonight. If you come
into my bed I will bring you back here.”
Be prepared to be challenged on your new rule. Hold your ground. If
the child screams and awakens everyone, hold your ground. Be firm and
kind, “It is time for you to go to sleep right now. Enough crying. Go to
sleep.” The child will use anything she can figure out to use to get you
to give up
your rule. If you waiver, you give the child the message that
your power is powerless. Your parenting challenges will deepen greatly if
you are inconsistent. Hold the line, even at the cost of one or more night
without much sleep. Behavior
that is rewarded continues; behavior that is not rewarded stops.
Copyright (C) Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel, 2000