NO MUST MEAN NO

Being consistent is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. It is vital that no means no. If no means no sometimes, but maybe on other times, your child will constantly push any boundaries that you set.

Dorothy Corkille Briggs (author of Your Child’s Self-Esteem) was my parenting mentor. She used to say, “You have six bullets for your gun; six no’s in a day. Every other time, you need to explain or teach.”  A parent of a two year old swoons at the thought of only saying no six times in a day. A parent of twins or triplets faints!

“Don’t touch that, it is hot!”

“Slow down on the stairs so you don’t slip and fall.”

“Use your words, not your fists.”

Using my over-all remedy of boredom , train your children to give you all the facts before you are asked to make a decision. A child runs up and asks, “Can I go to the show?” You say and immediate, “No!” Then the child gives you details that allow you to change your mind. You took your no back and in doing so diluted the power of your use of the word no.

 “Can I go to the movie?”

 “Wow! That sounds like a really fun thing to do. The problem is that I am trying to be a responsible parent and I can’t make a responsible decision when I don’t have all the facts. What I need to know is who you are going with, what time you are going, whether or not you need money, what movie you are going to see, and what time you will be home.”

Do you think your child wants to hear all those words again.....ever? That’s the point.

No must mean no. When the word “no” is over-used, the child stops hearing it. Do  you want your child to hear you yell “No!” as he/she is running into the street? Use the word “no” sparingly and the child will hear it.

Copyright (C) Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel, 2000