(I received an email question about a child who was reluctant to join into a group activity).   

Never use the word “shy” with children. I see too many children hiding out behind that label. When your daughter balks at a new situation, give her a safe place to go, 

“Why don’t you and (name) go play on the swings until the other kids arrive?”  or, “Why don’t you and I just hang out here until some of the other kids arrive?” 

Don’t make excuses for her choice. Don’t say she must be tired or shy; let her find her own comfort zone and simply wait with her until that happens.  You could tell the coach that (name) is having trouble jumping into the play activity which invites him to assist in pulling her out of herself.  Every child has his or her own rate of adjusting; some kids are more discerning -- not shy.

Copyright (C) Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel, 2000